Jordan Reyes - Close (2019)

Making music on the synthesizer is an activity of erasure for me. I’ve been sober for over 5 years at this point, but I think a lot about addiction still, and how that impulse, habit, biochemistry has warped since I quit drinking and drugging. I frequently ask myself why did I bring myself so close to oblivion? Well, to forget the pain of being alive. I don’t feel the pain quite so constantly these days, but I do have a fixation on bringing myself to the brink of waking unconsciousness. I get there with long distance running, for instance. Running has been a constant companion in my recovery. It’s when I do my clearest thinking and my clearest unthinking. At some point, my self just seems to slip away. And that’s kind of what happens when I have my consciousness buried in my synthesizer – I’m not mentally there anymore. I’m wading waist deep in patch cords, searching and searching. At any rate, Close is about that.